I really can't stand it anymore.

I really don't want to watch this anymore.

I don't want to live through this this anymore.

I'm sick. and tired. of everyone and everything.

I hate the parents I live with.

I hate the family I was born into.

I hate the circumstances of my life.

I hate looking at the bright side when there's nothing there but empty smiles and broken lies and faraway dreams that will never come through.

I hate feeling as if it's raining, as if I'm soaked to the bone when the sky is bright and shining above me.

I'm sick and tiring of seeing people and talking and acting that everything's alright.

I hate breathing air because it means that I'll live one second longer.

I hate bandages and medicine because it means I won't die even when I fall.

I hate the fact that the body lives eventhough I feel as if my heart has died so many, many years back.

I hate the fact that my lies are thought to be truth and my truth isn't known my anyone.

I hate how everyone thinks that my family's nice and that my father loves me when he doesn't.

I hate how everyone contributes to breaking me. There's so many cracks and I can tell you who gave me which.

I hate living. I hate every breathing second I walk the earth. I hate.

Tired.

Ugh. Can't sleep cause it's kinda hard to breathe.

....Okay.

SIX HOURS OF KARAOKE. WOOT.

*coughs*

ISABELL YOU ARE KINDA CRAZY BUT I STILL LOVE YOU. Lol. But. NEVER AGAIN. SIX HOURS.

I haven't written a WORD TODAY. AND I HAVE TO WRITE AT LEAST 700 to HIT THE GOAL OF 10K WORDS AND WHY AM I CAPSLOCKING THIS??

And ugh. Throat kinda hurts.

Other than that, I am REALLY SORRY that your present's late Khai. ;-;

DJ Tukutz. ♥

He's so cute that I want to steal him and hug him all day.♥♥ and maybe take those sunglasses. Cause they look awesome. But he looks so cute wearing them.♥♥♥♥♥

The only thing I have to say is:

Don't say that you'll sms me tomorrow when you won't.

Seriously. Damnit. *chucks phone aside*

My brain can be surprisingly efficient.

When I told myself that I wouldn't write more than 2, 429 words, I really can't even force myself to write one word more. Lol. Hi brain for being efficient at stupid times cause I obtained OSM HyukMin prompts but you refuse to cooperate. Boo.

I've got a list of books in mind. Books that I should check out (but will wait until the paperback comes out cause it's cheaper though hard covers are ♥).

( --- )

I am in a crappy mood today.

And I owe myself a HyukMin damnit. :(

( ;-; )

It's amazing how I write more for oneshots than I am for summerwrite plot. >.> Lol.

So. Yes. I started the "What if the roles were switched?" fic for Ghost Flames. Insanity? Why, yes of course.

And randomly? Today my mum and I went to an electronics store in our area (Bukit Sentosa also known as many of my friends as the middle of nowhere >.>;;) and they were playing Clazziquai Project's 'She Is'. Surprising? Very.

Ubi est mea anaticula cumminosa? - Where's my rubber ducky?

Um. Yeah. So I've decided that I'm going to split the 150k words into either two parts or three parts. *nods to self*

The first part (is going to be the easiest for me, wtf) is going to be about before P: H. Probably. :D It's lots of character backgrounds and just lots of fun for me.

And I also thought that, "Hey! Let's find Latin phrases for Chapter Titles!" :D

And so I found Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! - May barbarians invade your personal space!

I so want to find some sort of scene in which I can use the rubber ducky one. :D;

But Chapter 1 is Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit. And Chapter 2 is A cruce salus. 8D;

( More dream talk )

Edit:

I missed watching Epik High on Loveletter because I forget that when they say 11.00AM, it would be 10.00AM for us. Woe.

I went to bed early last night cause I was feeling tired. But now I'm awake and I had a weird dream (another one, which I can link to a few) and I feel as if my limbs are made of lead. I feel sluggish and when I blink, I can fucking feel my eyebags and wtf is with me and dreaming about ghosts and crazy people and lots of running around and around and SJ randomly popping in (HI DONGHAE) into a sucky, wtf sort of dream.

No love for how my brain works. ;-;

THIS is structure! IT'S PROGRESS! IT'S MY BRAIN MAKING SENSE OMG. ♥

It's also me looking for Latin phrases and ended up laughing. :D;

Natalie =/= good at replying to comments/commenting

Natalie =/= happy girl when people kinda go D: at Only13 but expect me to not go D: at pro-M.


Natalie = tired, unhappy fangirl who wants to sleep but cannot because she's not allowed to and will get to hopefully hit 2k for today's word count for summerwrite.

Natalie = bitter old lady in her head.


And it's not that Natalie doesn't attempt to socialise but it's the fact that nobody replies her messages and she makes calls but nobody calls her back when her phone runs out of prepaid. It's not that she wants to be sad but other people sadden her.

I dreamt about Earthquakes and storms and dark hotels and performances. I dreamt of me running about searching for my purple converse shoes and earphones and I dreamt of someone saying, "Wow! Motion master in TGV!" during the Earthquake and you know what?

MALAYSIA DOESN'T GET EARTHQUAKES. So.............. WTF?

*is tired*

Walking. Circles. Pause. Circles. Step. Circles. Dying. Walking. Hating.


Distant. Distance. Far away. Not here. Not there. Where?


Not good enough. Not enough. We need more. What is more? Where is more? Not good enough. Not good enough.


Break.



Away. Go. Don't want to listen. Don't want to read. Don't want to feel.


But the dull ache in the heart won't go. And it's throbbing. Throbbing. Stop. Pause. No? Flinch. Breathe. Choke. Cry. Choke. Breathe.


Shatter.

I have to do something about this. D:

...I should have been writing for summerwrite but ended up writing sparkly KiHae last night. So I got 4k for sparkly KiHae and. um. 1.2k for P: H. I feel horrible. ;-;

But I must admit that I'm really fond of the KiHae I wrote. :D